I hear it all the time "Oh you're an adoptive mom", um no. I'm a mom. Short, simple and to the point. I don't say to you, "Oh, you squirted one out your vajayjay, you're a biological mom". Yes, I missed his birth, yes I missed his first birthday but really those in the long run don't matter. I have been through the 5 childhood fevers and rashes, his ear infections, his surgeries, his skinned knees, his first steps, the shooting cheerios out his nose, his first day of school. I will be there for his first time driving, his first love, his first loss. I hold him when he cries and hug him when he's happy. We play video games together even though I suck at it. He knows it, he doesn't care. I'm the one who is tough on the homework and the bedtime. I make him clean his room and fumigate it at least once a month. There is nothing adoptive about any of that.
We hear it all the time in the media, "So and so is survived by his two biological children and his adoptive children". What?? Why the need to differentiate? Do you think Mister So and So sat at the head of the dinner table and said "you there, my biological children may begin eating, when they are done you the adoptive ones can finish up and then clean this place spick and span". Can you tell this irritates me. When my son was little, he didn't pay attention to such idiocy. Now at 13 he pays attention to the news and is also irritated by it. He too would like to know why it makes such a difference. Who cares? Is there someone out there secretly keeping count?
So why write this now, two reasons. One there is a wonderful posting going around on Facebook about what a mother and her two daughters have been through and the stupid ass things that people say to them. The second is a video that I saw the other day that was actually quite good and made me laugh and think. The guys at Cyndago made a wonderful and humorous video starring Markiplier, but the message is really at the end of the video. It was great to see (cough, cough) young people caring about and making a difference about adopting and attitudes towards adoption.
Neither my son nor I ever think about it. Every once in a while, I will bring up his biological material donors (I don't say it like that) and ask if he is curious. His answer is always the same "No, I have a family".
He's right. We are family.
I am mom.
Enjoy life, it's the one you have.